Assignment 1 - Formal Email

 

Dear Professor Blackstone,

My name is Tobias Hanputra, a student from your effective communication class. I have graduated from Temasek Polytechnic with a diploma in Green building and sustainability back in year 2018.

As a child, I spent most of my time playing video games. One of my favorite video games is Minecraft. It is a game where you must acquire the available resources to build creative structures based on your imagination. I have always been curious on what it takes to design and build a building, leading to my interest in Sustainable infrastructure engineering (Building services) course.

One of my strength is that I convey a strong sense of confidence in myself at all times. Confidence is one of the key aspects in communication as it allows you to be able to speak concisely with others, allowing the other parties to develop faith and trust in what you said and promised. Despite being confident, I tend to speak in a monotone voice when communicating with others, and due to the lack of expression in my voice, it results in a lack of attention from the audiences. I tried to improve myself by varying my pace and my volume when I speak, when a sentence stands a high importance, I will emphasize certain words with volume to increase the meaning and importance of the sentence.

Upon completing this module, I want to have the ability to communicate professionally and be able to effectively engage the audience during my future presentations and speeches. Additionally, I hope to be able to improve on my letter writing.

What makes me unique is that I exhibit critical thinking at all time. For instance, I can identify inconsistencies in reasoning, and then use appropriate approach to provide my inputs and analysis.

I hope that this letter provides an adequate introduction of myself.

Best regards,

Tobias Hanputra

Comments

  1. YumeSeptember 17, 2020 at 6:02 PM

    Hi Tobi,

    In your letter, you covered all the content that are required in the assignment, however there are some errors that you might like to take a look again. They are:

    1. Inconsistent in the usage of capital letters (example: from "Green building and services" to "Green Building and Sustainable" or "green building and sustainable")
    2. "it results in" can be "it resulted in"
    3. "when a sentence stands a high importance" can be "when a sentence is of high importance"
    4. "I tend to speak in a monotone voice" maybe u can change it to be "I tend to speak in a monotonous way"

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wei yingSeptember 20, 2020 at 1:36 AM

    Hi Tobi,
    The letter has fulfilled all the contents needed for the assignment. However, I feel that more information should be added when you are talking about your goals for this module, why you chose these goals. Regarding organization, your letter is clear, concise and the flow was smooth.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Brad BlackstoneSeptember 21, 2020 at 1:15 AM

    Dear Tobias,

    Thank you for this generally well crafted letter. It's clear and concise while also giving quite a bit of detail so that we readers learn about you. You certainly address the key parts of the assignment. It's also interesting, for example, to learn that you played Minecraft. It would have been more relevant though if you had directly connected some aspect of that game experience with your interest in engineering.

    In terms of language use, as Yumi has pointed out, there are some issues with your inconsistent use of caps. (She incorrectly asks you to change a verb tense in point #2. ) I have a few other suggestions:

    1. sentence structure
    - ...due to the lack of expression in my voice, it results in a lack of attention from the audiences.
    > The lack of expression in my voice results in a lack of attention from my audience.
    - I tried to improve myself by varying my pace and my volume when I speak, when a sentence stands a high importance, I will emphasize certain words with volume to increase the meaning and importance of the sentence. > (comma splice)

    2. word use
    -- I have graduated from > (simple past?)
    -- I have always been curious on > (appropriate collocation?)
    -- I hope that this letter provides an adequate introduction of myself. >
    (reflexive pronoun--ask me about this).

    Cheers,

    Brad

    ReplyDelete

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